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Talk:Agender/@comment-24.88.243.83-20150312025402/@comment-96.252.115.98-20150316045600
Hellooo! I am an agender sex-assigned-at-birth male (no modifications done or desired to be done to my body, except my piercings, painting my nails, and styling my hair in a somewhat feminine way). I recently came out to my family (I'm twenty-two), and asked them all to call me by a less overtly masculine / biblical name and use they/them pronouns. I know I'm not really your target audience, friend, but I want to offer you what I can. My brothers - me being the third child - do refer to me as their younger sibling now, rather than their brother (when they don't mess up, and when they do, I understand they're trying). I've told my parents they can call me their child, or their kid, or their offspring, but to please please please avoid the use of 'son.' They're pretty good about it, although I can't say how they refer to me when talking to friends, etc. (I encourage you to stick to the pronouns / terms they requested, and attempt to explain it to your friends - it does not take nearly as much courage to do so as it does to identify this way oneself.) For your daughter, I would suggest encouraging her to call her older sibling as such (either sibling or sib, its slightly more affectionate sounding diminutive - and conveniently one letter away from sis!), and in terms of "making her understand," just explain that while many people are either boys or girls, some aren't either of these, and that although much of the world doesn't understand this, it's a perfectly real and valid thing. Normalizing it in the home is super important, especially for youngins. Eventually, she'll be able to understand gender as a social construct separate from sex, but it sounds like she's a bit young for that now. (: You could ask your older offspring how they feel about something like 'child' (given that, in a parental context, "my child" doesn't have to refer to a child, ''merely someone you birthed, or helped birth, and it has a more sentimental tone than ''offspring does to many). In context, you could also simply call them "my oldest" i.e. "this is my oldest, name." If they are adamant on the use of 'offspring,' though, all you can do is accept that, and imbue that word with sentimental meaning it has heretofore lacked within your vernacular. All I want from my family is to try to understand and respect my identity, and for them to love me. I know and understand that it isn't easy for everyone, and more likely than not, so does your offspring. Ultimately, though, you said it yourself - what you really have to do is change your perspective. Gender is simply a construct that most assume to correspond with sex-assigned-at-birth, and sometimes it doesn't - that's hard to understand for many people, but it's perfectly valid. It's only a way of expressing how we experience ourselves and our bodies, an expression that is not limited to 'male' and 'female.' There are many of us agender folks out there (and trans folks, and other non-binary folks), often hiding out of fear or lack of self-acceptance, or simply experiencing dysphoria and lacking the language to make sense of it. Love, acceptance, and respect are all I'm sure your offspring want of you, and it sounds like you're on the right track. I hope this wasn't useless to you, and best of luck to you and your family. <3